Have you ever had a situation where you find yourself around someone or some people who, maybe because of something you did or said that upset them , they just never seem to get over it? Do you find that they only remember your not so very great moment as opposed to the rest of the good things that you have done?
I have a couple of relatives around me who seem to be behaving very strangely. Two of the relatives are pretty close and one is a distant relative. With the not so close relative, I had a situation where I was in a really bad mood, I mean super angry and charged up. There was a book that I was reading at that time and with one of the paragraphs, it caused a stir in my heart and brought up some unresolved emotions.
Nevertheless, the relative come to me rudely and said asked what was wrong and I basically said "leave me the F alone". Now ever since then, things have not been the same and we try to ignore each other as much as possible.
With the other closer family members though, they just never seem to want to talk or go about with a frown whenever I am there which makes me believe that they are carrying around some things that I have said that hurt them.
Now I don't go around hurting or saying words unintentionally. I have had some things said to me and done to me that are hard to forget by these family members. However, I still remember how good they are as a person and try my very best to be normal with them. But they make no effort whatsoever. I mean none.
I don't feel like like I am wasting my time with them. I keep the relationship as peaceful as
I can but still its hard cause I see them so often. I feel that because of the one or two things I have done in a moment, they can't seem to move on and see the other good things I have done for them.
It makes me feel like it is one sided. Now I know you are probably thinking who cares about them, move on, and don't let them bother you. I don't and I be who I am around them, my normal self.
My point in even writing this is I struggle sometimes when people do see and are blinded by the mistakes others make and refuse to see the person as a whole human. The attitude I see is a lot is well she said so and so and hurt my feelings so I am now to be rude to her and never invite her over to my house. I mean it could just be the one time someone said something and the entire relationship is ruined. Sometimes forever.
Certainly if it is a close friendship, you feel hurt. Yes, he/she should have watched what they were saying and been more mindful. But don't we all have times, where we just said something and did not mean it. It just came out and perhaps not the way you meant for it to. We are humans after all and we all make mistakes.
I have learned my lesson and now I am very very careful with whoever I speak. Some people are more sensitive than others. Some are more like, who cares, you had a bad day, we did not take it personally, and some take it like a personal attack.
Now there are times when people really hurt you with words or physically. I am not referring to the more serious type of situations here. You don't just forgive or forget that easily for those but the other type where you are just having a bad day and accidentally say something rude or in a tone that may not be that friendly. I am that type of person who looks at the overall person and say okay he/she is having a bad day. So what..everyone has them and you move on.
I have seen people that judge others completely for one small incident instead of looking at the WHOLE person. Is this person always this way or is it just this time or a couple of times, does the person overall have good intentions but just said something he/she should not have. You have to look overall at the person and not just remember the one day.
Other things to also look at is maybe someone is going through something personally , did not have a good night sleep, is not feeling well, is stressed or maybe hungry. I mean so many factors play a role here.
For me it was one of those day where I was just feeling down. Now my relative thinks I am the mean and rude person rather than remembering all the other good things I have done for them. They talk about me and rather have nothing to do with me, and this is just over "leave me the F alone".
Seriously guys.. I am still nice to them and help them whenever I can. Its me. But the lesson here is no matter what I won't let them get to me. I will continue to be me and be friendly. They can think whatever it is that they want about me, for me nothing matters since I know who I am and I love myself. I don't need their approval.
I also have been in situation with relatives and friends where they have said something rudely to me. I let them be for sometime and when they come around, after they have apologized, I let it go. If they said sorry and they realized they should not have said what they did, you let it go. If the person is important enough to you or you matter to them, it will not make a difference. You will find a way to forgive and move on.
The one thing you don't want to do is to hold on and keep replaying it in your mind. It's not good for your health. In the case of my relative, I apologized but the person did not accept it. How do I know? By the way they talk and behave around me. It's not normal.
But I have moved on a long time ago and so that is the end of that. Lets all give each other a chance, show compassion and some understanding. You never know what someone else is going through so give them the benefit of the doubt, especially if the person has been good to you. Don't judge the person on one incident except as I mentioned above, when they call you names, yell at you or abuse you be it verbal or physical. Don't just accept that, please.
So I continue to learn and it is everyday. I always look for the lessons and way to continue nurturing myself and my soul. In the end, all that matters is I did my best, loved the best way I could and touched as many hearts as possible.
Wish you love my friends!
Peace,
Monita
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