Good Morning my friends! It's Sunday. My kids are still asleep and I have been up since 4:45am. I am an early riser even on the weekends and I love it. I do get a lot of me time before they wake up and really make use of it. Most of the time, a lot of good thoughts come to my mind and I try to remember them throughout the day.
I just completed my second week at my new job. So how did it all go? In short, its been quite an adjustment. Can't really say how things will go but my gut is telling me that this will not work out for the long run. I had a rough first week with lots of technical difficulties just to get set up. I also did not realize that the company does not provide any coffee/tea or supplies so I had to find a way to get set up with the things that I needed. I only have a couple of other members on the team and sit in an enclosed area that is absolutely freezing.
So I know that the issues are really no big deal and I can really figure it out. The biggest thing that I experienced was resistance. I felt this feeling of not wanting to be there and was resistant. I had to force myself to pay attention and to stay focused and I had an achy feeling. It almost reminded me of how I felt every single day during the last year of my old job.
Part of the reason is that I can see this job becoming very monotonous. It will be the same thing every single day and month. Once I learn it and get comfortable, there is really nothing exciting about it. I noticed that if I am really not interested in having a monotonous job. There could be other things that come up but more the most part, its really the same thing day in and day out. Most peoples job are that way but I am really not interested in the work itself.
I think in short, I have not been feeling excited about it. The great thing about the new job is my commute. I am so close to home. I actually feel good about earning again and being in the situation that I am in. Nurturing my heart and soul is really about following my deepest desires and while this does provide with the paycheck, it does not nurture my soul in anyway. That's where the writing in this blog comes in.
Keeping that perspective in mind, I know that the job will be bearable for now. The other bigger issue is that there is no telecommuting allowed which is a big no for me. I need that option to be able to telecommute at least once a week and not having that option really makes it even harder and creates more resistance for me.
So what am I going to do? Well firstly, I am thankful that I have a job and a way to provide for my family. Very thankful. Secondly, I have a choice and an opportunity here. I am going to focus on the positive and not ignore the resistance I am feeling. The resistance is good and is probably a combination of the job itself , the environment and the adjustment period to get comfortable at a new job.
Noticing and being aware of my feelings are so important. I don't want to ignore it. I do want to give it time and see if anything changes. I keep reminding myself that it has just been 2 weeks and I need to be gentle with myself. I can't ignore the feelings but giving it time to really see what it is that I am really feeling is important. I do know that the telecommute is a big issue for me.
For now, I am still looking out. I really don't want to just get settled here. Doing the work is one thing but when there is no excitement or motivation, then it becomes an entirely different game. I don't want to stay just because it may be convenient. I need to feel excited. Can I create my own excitement? Yes I can in other things that I do outside of work, however, I can't change my job description and responsibilities. They are what they are.
I also do know that there will be other opportunities within the company that I can move to eventually so it is not the end of the world. I have just come to realize that I get to chose what I want to do and if this does not work out then there is always another opportunity. There is no need for me to feel that much resistance and I can choose to move whenever I want. Its my life after all and I am the author if it. I get to create my next opportunity where I can feel excited and motivated.
I am so very grateful though for the place that I am in. I get a paycheck, I woke up today and I am still breathing. The rest is figureoutable.
Wish you peace and love,
Peace
Monita
No comments:
Post a Comment