MY SOURCE OF STRENGTH

Two words. My kids. Yes, my kids are my biggest source of strength. They are such a driving force in my life and know exactly what I need when. My kids give me a hug and a kiss when I need it without even mentioning it to them. They have a way to make me smile and bring so much joy to my life. 

If I am having a hard day, I don't come home and burden them with my stories. They just come to me and give me a hug and a kiss and  say I love you mom and magically, I feel better. They really bring out the best in me without them even knowing it. I always see my children as my spiritual mentors. They are here in my life to teach me and enhance my life.    

I just love them so much and no matter what I am going through, they are the ones that keep pushing me through everything. Just seeing them play together, hugging each other, telling jokes or even arguing with each other and then making up just makes my heart smile. I am so blessed and thankful to be  their mom.

Our kids help us in so many ways for our personal and spiritual development that we may not think or feel about everyday. Its amazing how they make you feel and the connection you have with them. Every single day, every  second with them feels so new. Whenever I am down or trying to figure out something they somehow just say the right thing.  

As I look back at my life for the last 9 years, I remember whenever I was down, whenever I got done crying on the bathroom floor, loosing my grandparents or hearing about my mom in the hospital, or just having no direction in life they have always found a way to lift my spirits up and give me hope when I had none. Just when I thought I could not find the strength or felt like giving up, they would breath life into me. I tell them that they mean the world to me but have not told them how they are my source of strength... not yet at least. I don't want to burden them in any way and make them feel that they are not responsible for lifting my spirits up during my low days, but they are the ones who always shine their light on me.

I feel I will always owe them for the amount of strength they have given me. They do it on their own, with words they say or things they do. Kids have such healing power for their parents. Their unconditional love and their ability to forgive and forget is just exceptional. No one can ever make me feel the way my kids can.

They have no idea what they have given me and continue to give me  in their own special ways. For those of us with kids, I hope you can relate. Just think about the time when you were feeling down or tired and your child just comes and hugs you or lays their head on you. Remember how that felt? That feeling that instantly lifts you up and puts a smile on your face. Kids don't even think about it. They just do it. They don't think about oh mommy/daddy yelled,  I got less screen time today so no hugs/kisses for them. They hug you anyway, they kiss you anyway, they pour their love on you anyway just as the way you do for them. The parent/child bond is like no other bond in this world and is truly the most special and treasured relationship in life.

Children also seem to know and feel when you are down. They can probably see it on your face or sense it that mommy/daddy is not happy today or looking sad. My kids ask me what's wrong or will ask why am I not smiling. They have a way and a sense and no one needs to tell them go give your mom a hug. They just do. They love you unconditionally. 

When I see them, I feel a strong need to keep working on myself so I can be the best mom for them. They give me the strength to always want to improve myself and bring out the best and worst in me. I want to eat healthy so I can live a long life to see them grow up. I want to learn and improve on myself everyday and they give the strength to not give up and to keep going. Some days are a lot harder but I know that when my attention is on them, I get the answers that I need and know which direction to go. I hope to be their source of strength as they grow older and face life and its challengers. I hope to be able to remind them how they unknowingly helped me through one of the most difficult periods of my life and how they keep me going and going every single day.

As knocked down as I may feel, I rise again and again because of them. I may be crying one minute and smiling another with them. I just have no words to describe the unimaginable strength from them, the love, the smiles and they are the reason I keep going.

Friends, take some time to reflect what your source of strength is. Even if you don't have kids, maybe your have a pet, a friends, a family member that has been your source. Take some time to thank them and let them know how much you love them and what they mean to you.

We all have this one special person and I know that I hope to not just be the source of strength to my kids, but to anyone who may be in need. To give them hope and put a smile on their face. We can all be there for each other and be each others strength.

Wish you love my friends!

Peace

Monita  

NOT MY 100% WEEK

This week was my 10% week (meaning not so great). I have had ranges of what my week is like from 100% to 0% weeks.   I check in with myself daily and get a rough idea of how the week will hold. It is a way of preparing myself knowing that this week was not going to be good. I knew this past Saturday that this week was going to be a low, unmotivated week. It all started Saturday night where it was a late night, so my Sunday was ruined. On Monday I was just exhausted from the weekend and had zero motivation to be at work. The rest of the week pretty much stayed the same.

So what does my 100% week like:

• Waking up before 5:00am on Saturday and Sunday morning 
• Heading to my gym classes on the weekend
• Meditating
• Getting my lunches prepared for the week.
• Lots of reading during the weekend
• Lots of time spent with the kids
• Waking up at 3:45am Monday -Friday to hit the gym for an hour

If all of the above happens then I know the start of the following week will be at least 80% or above. Mentally, here's how I feel:

• Strong, full of faith and hope
• Feel positive
• Lots of motivation
• Inner calm and peace
• Less stressed
• Emotionally strong
• Clear headed
• Brave and confident

What does my 10% week look like:

• Waking up at 7:30am on Saturday and Sunday
• No gym on the weekend since I woke up late
• Too tired to prepare lunches and go grocery shopping
• No reading or maybe couple of pages here and there
• Less time spent with the kids since I am too tired
• Waking up at 4:15am to work out for 1/2 hr Mondays to Fridays.
• Physically drained

So the rest of the week is pretty much a 30% and below week. Mentally, I feel:

• Low in faith and hope
• General negativity towards life
• Stressed out
• Clouded
• Emotionally drained
• Lots of fear

So my friends, what I do on Friday night and Saturday night highly impacts my week ahead. Is it reasonable to assume that I will always have 100% week. No its not. In fact its more the other way around. Am I too hard om my self , maybe but I have goals and things I want to accomplish so I generally aim for 100% week. Or if there are not at 100% , then the weekend better be well spent with people who lift me and not with people that drain me,(as was the case this last weekend).

We all can't expect to have 100% weeks. As much as you plan, stuff happens and something unexpected will come up. Its just the way life is. So its always better to prepare but know that anything can happen anytime.  

I realized that if my weekend is not at 100%, the following week gets tough and so I end at a 10%week. All the things I want to do gets put off, I am cranky and too tired to get in a full 60 min workout, my kids are tired, everyone around me is irritating. My motivation levels are at 0%. So lots of fluctuations in my energy levels which directly impact my motivation. We all have daily ups and downs and  some days we feel like 100% and the next day can feel like 5%. It all depends on the day.

Ideally, its better to have a 50% and above week. I know that I have to make better choices so I start my week well. 

For me, I know when the day or week is up one and down another and I am absolutely fine with it. When it gets to be below 50% and only going downhill the next few days, I know the kind of week I will have. 

Sometimes I can do something about it but a lot of times, its just the way the week works out due to choices I make over the weekend. I know I can't change it but I do make every effort to change my attitude. I know why I am having a 10% week and I expected it. .

What I do during the 10% or below week is really more self care. I bring awareness to the week I am having and I know that I will have to use the time this weekend to fully recover to get back to my 100% for next week. I do everything I can to stay positive and read a lot more motivation quotes. I go to bed earlier and don't beat myself up over it. That's the key point here. You know that you are having a low week so don't be hard on yourself. Pour more love and care to yourself so you are able to get through it.

The low weeks can last for a long time too. You maybe at a low 10% or even lower for extended weeks depending on whats going on in your life. It is normal and don't think you are alone. We all have it and sometimes it lasts longer then we like. Our motivation and energy levels are down. We may want to just go home and lay on the couch....and by all means please do.

I have done that this week. I have gone home and instead of the usual spending my spare time reading, I have been watching episodes of chopped or house hunters. And boy do I feel jealous when I see the episodes of house hunters where people are buying homes on the beach. I so want that to be me!! ah!!! a way to escape to the ocean. 

For me, it is more about not allowing myself to recover 100% during the weekend  So this week, its time to recoup, and this weekend I know that I will back to my normal schedule and my happy motivated self. For now, more loving to myself and to my kids and home made food.

Wish you love my Friends!

Peace,

Monita

SAYING NO

I have only recently started to say no to a lot of things like invitations, places I don't want to visit and now maybe even acquaintances/friends that don't really add to my life. I have started to say no to myself to foods that don't agree with me, no to anything that just does not sit well with me and is not a complete resounding yes from my heart.

I believe we all have the trouble  saying no and have the "disease to please". We feel by constantly saying yes, we will be accepted, preserve our relationships, feel loved or want a connection and we may be agreeing to things that are not aligning well to our real needs and to our soul. 

I get that we all want to fit in and no one likes to feel left out. We are humans who thrive on connection and the feeling of being loved. A lot of times, we say yes  to those reasons and there is nothing wrong with it. But are we really trying so hard and pushing ourselves to be liked or to belong that we end up feeling more miserable after saying the yes.You should not need to try so hard to belong. People who care for you will no matter what.

I have certainly done that. I have said yes when I meant to say no just to feel I belong to a group and then I am the one that usually ends up ruining my day or night cause I realize I try too hard to fit in when I know I don't. So saying yes to the group of friends was not worth it to me. There were so many times, where I could have used my time better. I know that I will never get the time back and whats gone is gone so now really try to use every second that I have to do what I want to do and not to please anyone but myself and people and things that really matter to me.

Sometimes we are afraid to say to say no and feel bad about it. We feel that maybe we come across as unfriendly, uptight or just unkind. That is far from the truth though. We are kind, friendly and loving humans and should need to justify that by saying no. Stay true to who you are. 

Now I am more careful to when I do say yes. For example, this past weekend we went to a new friends home and she invited us late. Well late for me since  I had been up at 3:45 a.m. We did not end up leaving till 11:00 p.m that night and I really did not even want to go from the start. It totally ruined my Saturday since I was so exhausted and did not end up doing all the things I needed too. The evening was okay and I am not sure if we really want to hang out with them again. The funny thing was, I had it in my heart to say no but said yes without first finding out what time the dinner was going to get started and not letting them know that I needed to leave early since i had a long day. I was trying to fit in.

So there are many other instances where I have wanted to say no but said yes. I wanted to fit in, belong and for people to like me. Not anymore though. I really don't have to please everyone. If I want to say no, I will and I really don't care about fitting in or being liked. My true friends who know me will like me no matter what . Even if I did say no to one night, they will understand and accept me.My friends know that I can't stay awake past 8:30p.m. Its way to hard if you wake up at 3:45 a.m and they will understand if I leave early or say no to an invite or something else.

 The point is your true friends/family will love you no matter what and will not judge you. You will belong to them and you will be loved by them even if you say no. They will truly understand.

Now, I only drink  less than 5 times a year so when we are at a party, people would ask why I don't drink and that I should drink to keep them company. When I was younger in my 20's, I would say okay cause I wanted to fit in and then feel horrible the next day cause I just can't take alcohol. Now I just say no, I am not drinking and you don't need me to keep you company. You can have a drink if you like but I am having my water.

Friends, we need to set our boundaries. We can't let people just walk all over us do and say stuff as they please. Some will even make you feel bad if you say no. To those people, I say, I don't need you in my life. No one should make you feel bad for saying no. 

Its a lot harder when you are young. I know that. It is even hard as an adult. We all want to say yes. I get that, but at some point, we have to realize that the yeses are the "real yeses". You really want to do something or attend something since you feel strongly about it. You have to feel good in your heart and you have to feel it in every part of your body. If something does not feel right, then maybe you need to rethink your response.

I now plan my weekends very carefully. I don't like saying yes to things that don't fit in with the overall plan for the weekend or that changes what I had already planned out for the weekend. If we as a family decided that the weekend will just be for rest and spending time with each other, then I am not going to say yes to any other invites. I now have no problem saying thanks but no thanks.

Some one I know once told me how exhausted she was from the weekend. When I asked her why, she said oh we got invited to 2 parties on Friday night and 3 parties on Saturday and I said yes to all of them. She further mentioned that she could not enjoy any one since they had to leave early to attend the the others and did not get back till way past midnight. She then made plans to go the winery on Sunday and spend the whole day there. She kept going on and on about the weekend and about the way she was feeling and finally said, maybe next time I should say no to one of them. My response was well that's a start.

My friends, if you are going to say yes to everything then know why you are and think about what you are saying yes to. If attending 5 parties on a weekend is what you want to do, then great go for it, however, think about why you are saying yes. But if part of you is hesitating, then think about your response. You don't always have to say yes and setting boundaries will certainly help.

Now I feel really comfortable saying no and when I do, I do thank the person first and will say something like "Sorry I am unable to make it this time around". I don't offer any explanations and feel we should not have too. A simple no should be sufficient. Don't feel like you need to add any details to your response. 

Saying no at work maybe a bit challenging and depends on the situation. I learned to say no to taking on more projects since I am already overworked. My boss last year tried to get me on another project and I had to step in and say, no I just don't have the capacity to take on more. Now, in this situation, I had to remind them of all that was already on my plate and offered to take on the project if something currently on my plate was replaced. I was really firm with my no and offered alternatives.

I am also teaching my kids that its okay to say no. As they get older, they need to be able to stand up and say no even it it means loosing some friends. Its a lot harder for them since they are young right now and saying no feels like they are coming across as not nice or friendly...still they need to learn to say no and if they can when they are young, they will have a easier time saying no as an adult.

By saying no, you are really tuning in to what matters to you. Wouldn't you rather say yes to things, work, events, social gatherings that have real meaning in your life. At this age of my life, every event I attend, everything I say yes to has to be with my whole heart. I am not here trying to be the most popular girl or trying to fit in just because. No! I am here to enjoy the things that make me happy and that has a purpose in my life and if that means saying no to the other 100 things then so be it. 

So my friends, don't be afraid of the power of saying no. 

Peace,

Monita

LOVING MY BODY

I  recently noticed how hard and unloving I have been with my body. I have always been cautious with eating right and feeding my body with the things that I want. I also exercise at least 3-5 times a week and eat quite healthy throughout the week.

But... I say I have been unloving to it because I have never told my body how much I love it and how thankful I am for my body. So here it goes, I LOVE MY BODY AND THANK YOU!!!! 

Its been so good to me, doing everything it needs to do. I don't have to think about breathing, about my heart pumping or anything else. My body knows how to work and yet I have never fully appreciated it till recently.

This same body has carried and delivered 2 beautiful babies!! I have always been amazed with the way my body works, but never took the time out everyday be thankful to it.

I have seen tons of before and after weight loss pictures on social media and admired other women's bodies and wished I had arms, or abs or thighs that look liked them. But now as I look back, I don't want anyone's else body or arms, butt or thigh's!!! I love mine just the way they are!!! I love my thighs rubbing each other, my cellulite and my stretch marks and would not trade it in for anything in the world!!! 

We all have insecurities with our bodies but you are your best just the way you are. We need to stop beating ourselves over our bodies and show some appreciation. 

We all go through times wishing we had someone else's body, that women's arms abs or butt. No harm in admiring how someone else looks and complimenting it. I do it. But appreciate your body my friends, your body is perfect just the way you are. Now, I am not saying that if you need to loose a few pounds that you should ignore it. No!! Please for your own health and longevity, if you need to loose some weight , put every bit of effort into it. This post is not about how to loose weight although it does relate to your body. But no matter what your weight is at this moment,  start with loving your body right at this moment where you are.

I have female acquaintances who are always comparing themselves to each other, looking at the internet and seeing who else is better than them and constantly comparing. PLEASE STOP!! We need to support and be there for each other and love and empower each other to love our bodies. Stop comparing yourself to anyone and if you have a friend or family member that does not motivate you, lift or support you, then maybe you need to rethink the relationship especially if its close.

This is about thanking your body for being so perfect and keeping you alive. Now when I wake up every morning, I do think about my body and I am so thankful for it. I am thankful that its pumping blood to my heart and I am still breathing. It has not given up on me and I will never give up on my body. 

In fact, I will listen to it everyday. I will pay attention to what my body needs, and follow through with it. Some days, it may need more sleep than others so if it feels tired, I will make myself go to bed early. If it feels restless, maybe it needs some rest, if it feels sick fighting off a virus, I will do everything so I can recover. If my body feels tight, I will stretch it out or go for a massage, if it feels achy I will take a warm bath, if its hungry I will feed it good nutritious foods and if it feels like not eating, I will give my body rest. Our bodies adjusts accordingly and have a way of resetting. 

I hope you get the idea my friends. Your body and you are one the same. Take care of it every single day!! Don't ignore your body. I have always known that I have a body and always thought oh yes, I am exercising it so I must be taking care of it. But how many times in life so far have I actually told it how much I loved it? Not that many....

So that is all changing. Its never to late! I am everyday going to be thankful and  say I love you body and I really do. Its my whole body !!! I love all of it, the sun spots on my face, burnt scars on my hand, the acne on my face and back, my hair, my nose..I love all of my features and everything that makes me ME!!!!

We are all special. Pay a little attention to your body everyday and just notice how it is feeling. Take a minute or 2 and just observe your hands, feet, see you self naked in the mirror and say I love you just the way you are. Love every inch of your skin.

For those who childhood may have involved body shaming and being told you are too fat, too thin, not pretty, don't look good in certain clothing etc, please know that all those emotional scars play out in adulthood and we end up treating our bodies as if all the things said to us were true. We have to find a way to heal from those scars and know that no matter how much shame you may have endured regarding your body, its NOT TRUE and YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

For those who may be dealing right now with any ailments, or something more serious like fighting cancer or having difficulty walking start with saying I love my body. As hard as it maybe with whatever it is your are fighting to beat right now be kind and compassionate with your body no matter what you going through. 

We need to teach our children to love and be thankful for their bodies from the day they were born. They don't need to admire other peoples body on the internet or people they come across. They only need to focus on theirs and keeping it healthy. Remember, one day we all will die and will leave this body behind. It will not come with us. So why not take care of your valuable. 

Take the first step and just say thank you to your body and if that's all you can do, then that's fantastic too. Just say thanks to your heart. You are still here and your body no matter whats its been through it has seen you this far and will continue to do so. 

Remember when you love your body and be thankful to it, you will do everything in your power to keep it strong.

Take care of your body and love it and it will take care of you too.

Wish you love!

Peace,

Monita 

BAD DAY

We all have them, sometimes more than we like. It can start from the moment we wake up and just continue through the day. Things keep falling apart. Just when you think you have things under control, something else will fall apart. 

I had a bad day last week at work. Having to redo a 90 pages for a presentation 3 times counts for a bad day. It was no fun. I have also had many bad days at work and in my personal life. 

My bad days can be where people said mean things to me, treated me and said things to my face as if I were nothing, being totally ill and not being able to get up from bed. Bad day of course!!!!

I have days where it all starts great and then goes downhill quickly. Bad days are always never fun but we all have them. The question is how do we handle ourselves when we are having a bad day.

For me, when I used to have a bad day, I would let all my emotions rule my behavior and things would just get worse. I will try to get a handle of things but that would always make it worse. Trying to get a handle of things and control what would happen next, only made it worse. The controller in me who tries to get everything in control losses complete control.

I like to think that there are bad days and worst days. When I think oh gosh I need to redo this presentation again or hear we go with another argument on something silly, I think you know this is not really that bad as maybe some of other news I could have got,like someone's sick in the family or loosing a loved one or other disheartening news you hear. That to me really is worst. People are experiencing it daily and then I wonder why am I complaining about my bad day which is not technically "BAD". 

Friends, it could always be worse and that is the truth. I have been there when I got a call from my dad saying my mom is in the hospital, your uncle has cancer, your grandfather/grandmother past away....

I have also heard my coworker saying his pregnant wife lost their child, or my friends saying their mom has cancer, or someone finding out they have cancer, loosing a job, a death in the family and other types of scenarios. 

All of that counts for the worst days in ones life. 

I know and feel for the people that have gone through such days and when I hear them, I too end up having a bad day . It totally affects my mood and leaves me very sad. These are however, more than just one bad day. It is more like a few bad days, weeks, months and years. You hope it will go away or it were untrue.

The are lots of things that help me through the day but these 5  phrases that help me stay sane and strong :

• Have faith - This is a big one for me. No matter what have faith that this day is here for you to learn and grow and no day or experience will ever get wasted. I use it as no day getting wasted in my life and every day I will have faith no matter what and keep reminding myself that. Its easy to loose faith during a bad day but that's when you really need to "hold on" to your faith even more.  

• It could be worse- Yes it can. It may be bad but maybe not as bad as someone else's. It does let you see things from a different perspective. You still will go through the emotions but remind yourself that your "BAD" day may not as "BAD" as the person next you.

• I am going to get through this day- Yes you will. The day will come to an end and you will feel better tomorrow or will find your way through it.

• There is always tomorrow- Always another chance for us.

• Its OK- You may not feel this way in a more serious situation but know that your life will go on and accept that it is OK.

The other thing that helps me is a praying, a good night sleep, good food to nourish my body and exercising. The day is what the day holds and as much as I wish it were different, it is not. So denying it or running away from it will not help. 

I know that I have to deal with it and figure it out. I can't never do it on the day itself since my emotions are really strong when "out of the blue" things happen. I need to settle myself down after the emotions washes through and then face it. I have to let myself through it and not ignore or run away from the emotions felt on a bad day. As hard as it will be when you are having a bad day, remember that there is a rainbow at the end of the storm...always.

In the everyday cycle of life, we will have good and bad days. Somehow, when the bad days comes and stuff hits the fan, we say and think like oh gosh not again, but remember the good days. I have faith that life, god or whatever you may believe in gives us more good days than bad, while we may think the opposite sometimes. I always try to focus on the good days since it far outnumbers the bad days that I have. So when there is a bad day, I  take it with stride and constantly remind myself that it will be okay, even though it may not seem at that time.

Having a good network of family or friends or someone you can turn to is so helpful during a bad day. Just picking up the phone and talking to someone will immediately relieve some of the distress. 

For me, I have one good friend that I can reach out too but there are times where she is not available. In that case, I turn to writing. Writing has always allowed me to say what I want to say and to get it all out. Its very therapeutic for me. If I can't get it down immediately, I start talking about it out loud as if there was someone listening to me. I just say all the things I want too, including  the not so nice words but I have to find a way to let it out before the pressure builds inside. Music helps too and listening to your favorite song or something uplifting will make you feel better.

I will most certainly be there for anyone who needs a shoulder or a hug during their bad day. I know what it feels like and if I were there with you, I will be that ear for you. We all need to be there for each other.

As I like to think, "Bad days are sure to come, I will see it though, I will not stand in its way for its here to teach me a lesson or two".

Peace,

Monita

 

SPACE

We all need a little space out in our life's..... Everyday. There is no question about that. I strongly believe that we all need to give ourselves space every single day, whether we are at work or at home. 

What do I mean by space? Just pause from what ever it is you are doing in the moment. Maybe  away from everyone or right where you are, at the desk, in the car or at the check out counter.  We need to schedule the space to ourselves. I feel like if you need to put it on the calendar then do what it takes to make sure that you have created a "space out time" for you.

For me it is a  time out for myself. I know some parents give their kids a time out when they behave out of line or don't listen. The time out for space is not a self punishment rather a time to just be. 

The space time is not for getting your errands done, or folding the laundry, cooking, working or anything else. The space is for you to just sit, take a break from whatever it is that you are doing. Maybe listen to music, stare at the trees, watch the cars passing, or my favorite just following your breathe for a couple of minutes. You need to make the space to have a chance to "blank out" if you can, and force yourself if you have to.

Of course, I struggle with this myself so as you may know, anything that I am struggling with, I want to work on it. So how do I take the time out for space. When I am at work, it is a little hard but I just sometimes stare at the black wall in front of me for a couple of minutes or just stare at my computer screen and try not to think what I need to do. I also have been trying to just focus on my belly button and my breathe, or just watch my tummy go up and down as I breathe. 

At home, its a lot easier since I can just sit outside or look outside the window. Just staring outside and dreaming or trying to have a blank mind, allowing myself to just tune out. I find it does not need to be long or timed, but when ever possible. It may be for a few seconds, a couple of minutes or up to 10 mins. It really does not matter as long as we are trying our best to be in that space. 

I for sure need that pause on a daily basis. To pause and appreciate the beauty of my body, outside or my breathe. To  just take a second and watch at everything that is around me, a way of coming back to myself daily and more regularly. 

It is a pause to hit my "refresh" button. I can go on and on between work and coming home and having to just do all the chores. But giving myself the space, for a minute or 2 just causes everything to come to a standstill and a chance for me to say "hello breathe"..you are still there...and thank you.

I look at it as coming back to the real me regularly, grounding myself and feeling solid throughout the day. The solid feeling makes me feel that I can better handle the task at hand or for the rest of the day. It keeps me in check and helps not to overreact or react to things. As a mom, I really try to not to let the days work or emotions carry home with me in the car so if I regularly take the space I need throughout me day, when I greet my kids after school I am a much happier and relaxed mom. They come home after a long day at school and want to just relax so having me in a already relaxed mood, makes them even happier and the whole evening goes smoothly for all of us.

Sometimes staring at a blank wall can also help. At work, I am  a little further from the window so I just can't stare outside, but I do have a blank wall that I look at and even just imagining the ocean and feeling the ocean's breeze on my body will do the trick. I try to just stare at the wall and feel my breathe. That is by far the best thing.

I see it as something that I need to build in my life like a hundred times a day. Its too important not too have the space for yourself. When the kids are home from school, I take the time when they are watching t.v. or taking a bath. I stop doing what I am doing and just go outside. Gaze at the sky and see the birds, hear the fire hydrants, see the person walking their dogs, watch kids play outside, or smell and hear the rain. What ever I feel I need at that time, comes to me. 

I try not to think about it too hard and if I sit outside and happen to fall asleep than I do. Allowing myself to blank or tune out kind of resets and re centers me. My kids get bored sometimes and instead of allowing them more screen time, I tell them to just stare outside. Granted they don't do it for long but its getting them to learn  giving space to themselves and allowing their minds to blank out.

That is always the hard part since the mind never wants to just be quiet. Even if you do just space out for a minute or two the mind will still be chatting. It will still go about doing what it does but still just try to take a few minutes or just do 10 deep breathes. A few seconds can make the difference and it has for me. I feel really calm on the inside and my shoulders are not hunched up and my neck is less stiff.

Forcing yourself to stare at the sky, or feeling the wind by standing outside, develops a space inside of you and allows for a more better day and a less stressed one. You may even come up with creative ideas or a solution to a problem. It helps me be more alert through the day. Giving the space essentially allows for more to enter.

Sometimes, giving yourself space may mean to you to just sit and enjoy that ice cream or the piece of chocolate. If that is the case, pay attention to how much you are having and enjoy every bit of it. My idea of giving myself space is to just space out. Its not to focus on anything and try to just focus be and notice where I am tensed or whats going on with my body.

A lot of times I look at beautiful pictures on the internet and get lost in them as if I am there.. I let the picture take me. Since I love beaches, sunrises and sunset, I look at pictures on the internet and when I find one that totally takes my breathe away, I just stop and stare at it and I am taken there. There is an instant relieve in my body and my muscles get relaxed my shoulders are not up and tensed. After a few moments of being in the picture, I take a few deep breathes and then come back to whatever I am doing.

Friends, we need to build in the time throughout the day and really make a conscious effort to come back to ourselves. Give permission to yourself to go ahead and take a space out time.

Peace,Monita

LEAVING KIDS FOR THE FIRST TIME

On my drive in to work earlier this week, as I was hearing the radio, the host mentioned that "this is the first time I will be leaving my four year old son for a business trip". She was going for 2 days and has never left him before overnight. The most has been 3-4 hours on date night with her husband. 

I left my kids for the first time this past spring break for one night. Prior to that I have never left them overnight. Now my husband has been on a couple of trips, his longest was 10 days. I, on the other, hand have only left them once. 

The host mentioned that she was really anxious to leave them. Her anxiety levels kept going up the moment the trip was booked. I feel her anxiety since I have been through that. Now keep in mind that my kids are a little older now, 8 and 6 years and this year was the first time I left them. I am not referring to leaving them for the day or for a few hours or when they are in school. I am referring to the more than couple of nights or longer away from them.

I never did have the opportunity to leave them and never could trust them with anyone else especially when they were younger. Now I feel more comfortable to leave them with family if I needed to. I think I was just so worried. Not that I don't worry now, since they are more independent and are able to do things on their own. 

Before I always worried about them eating, taking a bath or sleeping. Now I have become a lot more relaxed and have let go. I am slowly learning of letting go and trusting that they will be okay. With me always at home, I felt more in control of making sure that they ate right and slept well. But at some point, I knew that this was more of an issue with me and not about them. The need to be in control... hmm.. something I need to dig into.

My husband is a really good dad and both my kids are very responsible that I feel comfortable leaving them if I needed to. Next year, for example, I plan on visiting my parents alone, since it is right in the middle of the school year and hard to pull my kids out for 2 weeks. Now I am not worried at all (or trying really hard to convince myself) but I am actually looking forward to spending a few days with my parents. 

It all comes to being ready for me and for my kids. For some people, they totally feel comfortable leaving the kids or even infants for a vacation. Now, I am not judging here and certainly feel as a parent if you are okay with it than kudos to you. You know and feel comfortable with the decisions you are making and as long as the child is with a safe and loving person and someone they trust, then it is none of my business. 

I am more of a nervous person and sometimes that just takes over me. I never felt comfortable leaving my kids with anyone. I have family that I can leave them with but my anxiety was way too high and I am not close to the family. I needed to be close with them for myself and felt that they needed me to when they were much younger.

Somehow on this path of taking care of me and my soul, I am learning to trust and letting go or maybe I am just getting older and more matured. It's not easy if you are an anxious person. I also had a tough time leaving them because of some personal and emotional issues I was dealing with. Being in a not so clear mindset made the decision to leave them more difficult. 

Maybe some of you are still anxious about leaving your child the first time. The first time is always the hardest and once you get through the first time, the next one is a lot easier. It will be easy to say no and I am never leaving them till they are way older even if then. But we ourselves need to believe that everything will be okay. They are going to be alright and so are we. Children are usually fine and especially if they with friends or family you trust and know that they will be save and loved with you not being there. Trust is the big issue here and control. I know I still have them. 

I think moms definitely have a harder time leaving than dads at least from the people I know and met. We just find it so much harder than our husbands to be able to leave them or even put ourselves first. It's hard for us to say, hey I am going away for a day or two with my friends and I am going to relax and rejuvenate. It makes us feel that we are selfish but we are being selfish to our own self by not giving the time. 

It's not about being selfish, and please don't think they will love you any less. The love will never change, you and they know that. We just have to face our fear, go and do what we need to. Whether its being away for work or being away just to take time for ourselves. We can do it and we need to show our kids that we can. We must not act from a place of fear but we deal with all the emotions, like our anxiety and face it head on. 

As moms, some of us have really high anxiety and I can relate to that. It's a lot easier to back out and just say no to work related travel or pleasure related. But my friends, we are the ones that will likely regret this at some point in the future. We need to take care of us. I am really proud of the radio host who said that she is ready and she is going to leave her baby. Even though she has all these emotions, she said she will deal with it but she is not backing away from this travel. Good for her! 

We all have to do what we have to do so if you are faced with the same situation about leaving your child overnight for the first time and travelling and are afraid, I will say take a deep breathe, meditate for a little or write down your fears. Your best and worst case scenarios and go from there. You can even talk to someone about it who will help you through it. Don't leave it unaddressed and hey if you are not ready then you are not. But take the time and really feel your way through the emotions that come up and then decide what the right action will be. It's always hard and I know I struggle with it all the time.

Both my kids were absolutely fine when I left them for one night. We missed each other a lot.  If the opportunity comes again, I will be okay to leave them. I know and have faith that they will be safe and in good loving company and when I return, I know that we will pick up right where we were whether it was storytelling or playing. And we will miss each other greatly and I will likely have a hard time falling asleep but my kids and I will be okay and so will you and your kids. That I believe..

Wish you love my friends!!!

Peace,

Monita