On my drive in to work earlier this week, as I was hearing the radio, the host mentioned that "this is the first time I will be leaving my four year old son for a business trip". She was going for 2 days and has never left him before overnight. The most has been 3-4 hours on date night with her husband.
I left my kids for the first time this past spring break for one night. Prior to that I have never left them overnight. Now my husband has been on a couple of trips, his longest was 10 days. I, on the other, hand have only left them once.
The host mentioned that she was really anxious to leave them. Her anxiety levels kept going up the moment the trip was booked. I feel her anxiety since I have been through that. Now keep in mind that my kids are a little older now, 8 and 6 years and this year was the first time I left them. I am not referring to leaving them for the day or for a few hours or when they are in school. I am referring to the more than couple of nights or longer away from them.
I never did have the opportunity to leave them and never could trust them with anyone else especially when they were younger. Now I feel more comfortable to leave them with family if I needed to. I think I was just so worried. Not that I don't worry now, since they are more independent and are able to do things on their own.
Before I always worried about them eating, taking a bath or sleeping. Now I have become a lot more relaxed and have let go. I am slowly learning of letting go and trusting that they will be okay. With me always at home, I felt more in control of making sure that they ate right and slept well. But at some point, I knew that this was more of an issue with me and not about them. The need to be in control... hmm.. something I need to dig into.
My husband is a really good dad and both my kids are very responsible that I feel comfortable leaving them if I needed to. Next year, for example, I plan on visiting my parents alone, since it is right in the middle of the school year and hard to pull my kids out for 2 weeks. Now I am not worried at all (or trying really hard to convince myself) but I am actually looking forward to spending a few days with my parents.
It all comes to being ready for me and for my kids. For some people, they totally feel comfortable leaving the kids or even infants for a vacation. Now, I am not judging here and certainly feel as a parent if you are okay with it than kudos to you. You know and feel comfortable with the decisions you are making and as long as the child is with a safe and loving person and someone they trust, then it is none of my business.
I am more of a nervous person and sometimes that just takes over me. I never felt comfortable leaving my kids with anyone. I have family that I can leave them with but my anxiety was way too high and I am not close to the family. I needed to be close with them for myself and felt that they needed me to when they were much younger.
Somehow on this path of taking care of me and my soul, I am learning to trust and letting go or maybe I am just getting older and more matured. It's not easy if you are an anxious person. I also had a tough time leaving them because of some personal and emotional issues I was dealing with. Being in a not so clear mindset made the decision to leave them more difficult.
Maybe some of you are still anxious about leaving your child the first time. The first time is always the hardest and once you get through the first time, the next one is a lot easier. It will be easy to say no and I am never leaving them till they are way older even if then. But we ourselves need to believe that everything will be okay. They are going to be alright and so are we. Children are usually fine and especially if they with friends or family you trust and know that they will be save and loved with you not being there. Trust is the big issue here and control. I know I still have them.
I think moms definitely have a harder time leaving than dads at least from the people I know and met. We just find it so much harder than our husbands to be able to leave them or even put ourselves first. It's hard for us to say, hey I am going away for a day or two with my friends and I am going to relax and rejuvenate. It makes us feel that we are selfish but we are being selfish to our own self by not giving the time.
It's not about being selfish, and please don't think they will love you any less. The love will never change, you and they know that. We just have to face our fear, go and do what we need to. Whether its being away for work or being away just to take time for ourselves. We can do it and we need to show our kids that we can. We must not act from a place of fear but we deal with all the emotions, like our anxiety and face it head on.
As moms, some of us have really high anxiety and I can relate to that. It's a lot easier to back out and just say no to work related travel or pleasure related. But my friends, we are the ones that will likely regret this at some point in the future. We need to take care of us. I am really proud of the radio host who said that she is ready and she is going to leave her baby. Even though she has all these emotions, she said she will deal with it but she is not backing away from this travel. Good for her!
We all have to do what we have to do so if you are faced with the same situation about leaving your child overnight for the first time and travelling and are afraid, I will say take a deep breathe, meditate for a little or write down your fears. Your best and worst case scenarios and go from there. You can even talk to someone about it who will help you through it. Don't leave it unaddressed and hey if you are not ready then you are not. But take the time and really feel your way through the emotions that come up and then decide what the right action will be. It's always hard and I know I struggle with it all the time.
Both my kids were absolutely fine when I left them for one night. We missed each other a lot. If the opportunity comes again, I will be okay to leave them. I know and have faith that they will be safe and in good loving company and when I return, I know that we will pick up right where we were whether it was storytelling or playing. And we will miss each other greatly and I will likely have a hard time falling asleep but my kids and I will be okay and so will you and your kids. That I believe..
Wish you love my friends!!!
Peace,
Monita
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