Well, I realized that I have talked about my career in a few posts and about how unhappy I am with the way it is going. The thing is that I am unhappy about where I am and the people I report to and needed to examine what has happened and the way I feel.
I love the people on the team and around me but lately every morning, when I drive in to work, I have a knot and an awful feeling about coming in and that is a way my body and heart is trying to communicate with me.
Generally people define themselves with the work that they do, their job title, the money they make, their status and climbing the corporate ladder. Who's better than the other, who makes more money or has the corner office with an assistant and the entire building reporting to them. Or the person who's ego is so strong and thinks who to run over to get what they need. Sound familiar?
But that is not who I am. I don't care about the title or my position. I don't care about the corporate ladder. I do however care, that I have a family to support, bills to pay and, some years down the road, college bills to pay.
One thing that I have realized is while my current job title has been the same for the last 15 years, my emotional growth has been exponential especially the last few years and for me that is success.
While I am grateful and feel truly blessed for my education, job and the money it pays me to support my kids, our home, their future, I am not going to allow my current work to define my happiness. The whole career profile thing for me dissolved a long time ago.
I realize that I still need to support my family, and will continue to do so, but I don't have to be unhappy going to work everyday. I can still find something else for now in the same line of work while I focus on my writing. It does not have to be this miserable or really is it my perspective that's making my feel this way.
I do need to change my perspective and look at it as this was the place I needed to be for my personal growth and it definitely provided me with the tools I needed to grow personally and gain some skills at the job.
But when you drive in everyday and you have a knot in your stomach and when I walk in through the office doors, I have this ugh feeling so something is up.
In the last 2 weeks, someone was promoted and given a lot more responsibilities which were mine. I am having to train someone else to use the tools I use to do part of my job. I was told that she was "a true accountant". Okay, I thought to myself, what does that even mean? That's when I knew something is up and I need to make a decision.
I never did change jobs for a lot of reasons but mostly it was my fear that played a big role. I was afraid of change and felt I would not succeed in any other position or have any flexibility for a work balance life. I did let my fear rule me over the years and all my what if questions. I never even tried to apply myself anywhere thinking that someday things will change for me, without me doing anything. Well, that's not going to work is it.
I realize now that I do not have to let fear rule me anymore and I am not going to be defined by my career title or position. My happiness matters every time I drive to work since it tends to affect all areas of my relationships as well.
So much to think about and decisions to make. I am very proud of myself for actually taking the first step and updating my resume. I have also applied for a couple of jobs just to see where things go.
What an investment it has been for the last 15 years of life with one company and I constantly find myself especially for the last few months thinking that this investment was necessary for my personal emotional growth and not my career. Career is gone. Vocation is what I am working on.
They say no experience ever gets wasted and you are right where you need to be for your good but now I am seeing signs and feeling it that it's time for me to let this investment go. Do I feel it was waste? No. But I need to pay attention to my heart and to make sure that I keep following my path of purpose to nurture it.
My heart is telling me to write and to create. I am just at the beginning of my writing and that is where I really need to focus on. The job is just to help pay bills.
Not sure where things will go. Will I stay till I find something better or will i just call it quits. That remains to be seen. But for now, I feel good that I am clear. I also need to check in with myself that my decision to stay or go is not going to be based on my ego needs but my true needs. It's going to be something that will come to me soon and I feel it. I also pray for guidance and have complete faith that whatever is intended next, will be the very best thing that I need.
Every step or decision that I make now or in the future not just in my career but otherwise will affect the way I want to live my life. I have to weigh all my options and become still and look inwards to find the decision I need to make. I can consult friends, husband, family etc but ultimately I know what's best for Monita.
Honestly, I really have nothing to lose if I quit my job today. In fact, I will probably be so happy and go for a run, get a good lunch, some ice cream and just relax. Oh how wonderful does that sound right. I will probably be happier working at Starbucks .
Most people have faced or come upon a job changing decision. It's especially harder the longer time you have spent working on the job. Definitely weigh all your options and ask all the right questions to yourself such as:
- Why do I want to change jobs? Reflect on the purpose.
- Look at all the options and do your research at the companies that are hiring. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
- If I quit, do I have enough money saved to last at least 6 months since there is no guarantee as to when the next job will land?
- Am I letting my fear make my decision?
- Am I letting my ego win?
- Will it allow me to grow?
- Is it in line with my goals?
Only talk to people who you trust or have been in the same position, since they can probably give advice about how they went out making the decision. But if you have someone you trust like a mentor, a teacher, a counselor than definitely talk it over. I have no mentor in my life and that's something else I need right about now.
I will end by saying that only I know what's best for me and that only you know what's best for you.
Wish you love!
Peace,
Monita
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